Inc. Magazine recently published a pregnant CEO on its cover. Audrey Gelman the cofounder of the women’s coworking space The Wing was proudly pregnant and showing off her baby bump on the cover of this popular business magazine.
She rocked her bump, but where was this image two or three years ago?
I was the only female on a leadership team of 21 at a top-rated medical device company. I had two children during my three-year tenure as a Regional Manager. Yes, two kids in three years. (My boys are only 19 months apart, which was not in our original plan). This meant that I was pregnant, on maternity leave or breastfeeding for all but three months of my three-year stent as a manager.
The leadership team was amazing. They were supportive of my needs while pregnant, accommodating of my two maternity leaves, and understanding when I had to step away to breast pump during important meetings.
Sadly I still carried guilt. When I was with my kids, I felt like I should be working. When I was working, I felt like I should be with my family.
My company at the time and its people were incredibly supportive, but seeing other women in high-level positions embrace their pregnancy would have helped create a sense of normalcy.
The Personal Decision to Work or Stay Home
The decision to work while raising a family is one that does not come easily. It’s a tough one for many mamas (and daddies) to make. It is a personal decision that becomes more complex when role models and mentors with similar experiences are limited in your field.
My hope is that one day pregnant CEOs and managers will be commonplace and not newsworthy.
As for my personal story, I decided to continue to work. I changed careers after the birth of my second son so that I could have more control over my schedule while also limiting my travel. Through the career transition, I left a high-paying career to pursue a passion of helping others live the financial lives they might not have otherwise known were possible. It is a decision that I would make one thousand times over.
The story is not the same for all parents. I have friends who thought they would go back to work after having children. They opted to stay home. I have other friends who planned to stay at home full time. They decided… sometimes relatively quickly… that going back to work was a better fit for them. Truth is: it’s hard to know what to do until you are in the moment with your children.
My personal decision to go back to work was relatively easy. I love my boys but I am confident that I am a better mother and a better wife for having work outside the home. Unfortunately this decision still comes with its societal challenges.
Societal Double Standard in the Workplace
I don’t fit into a perfect box. When I worked on the med device leadership team my peers were also having children, but most of them had spouses that stayed at home.
Sick kid? It was easier for them to still travel and make the important meeting. I on the other hand had to play the game of “whose turn is it this time?” with my career-driven husband.
I ended up making the decision to switch careers to limit my travel but I still get asked, “Who is with your kids when you’re working?”
Do my male counterparts get asked this question when they’re working to build a new company? I bet not.
The Lessons I’m Proud to Teach My Children
If I had the opportunity to share my story, this is what I would share with the inquirers:
I love my work. I love helping my clients. I love educating. I love working to grow a successful company. My work is what fills my tank with the healthy fuel needed so that I can be a better mom and better wife when present with my family.
I am a better me because of my work. This is a personal decision that every parent must make for themselves. No judgement here. To each is own.
I am more present when I am with my family because I prioritize my day accordingly so that I can be more available when I am physically with my family. Errands and cleaning? I do my best to knock this out during the days when I am working from home so that my mornings, evenings and weekends can be filled with what is most important to me—family time!
Do I feel guilty grocery shopping or grabbing a pedi during the work day? Absolutely never.
I am proud to be an example to my boys. They are learning the value of hard work. They are learning how to give back and how to positively impact our community. They are learning what it looks like to build a company from the ground up.
And thanks to my incredible husband, they are also learning that it is okay to have gender roles blurred within a home.
My kids are growing up to be responsible, fun, able and loved. This serves as my proof that we are doing an okay job and not messing up too bad with our decision to have two hard-working parents raising a family with the help of a trustworthy daycare and loving grandparents.
I think stay-at-home parents (mamas and daddies) are often the hardest working people out there. I have the upmost respect for their decision (or situation) and think they are deserving of all of the available brownie points. I however choose to remain career-driven.
I love my boys, and I no longer feel guilty.
